Let’s talk about shape baby…

Welcome back. Last time it was all about the hair style.

Generally all is good with my barnet. I don’t miss looking at my long hair at all. But I do miss the versatility of long hair. I’ll give you an example. The other morning I woke with a swear word of a headache. It was the type of headache that makes you feel sick and makes you want to drill a hole in your head to relieve the pressure. In the absence of a drill, and thankfully in the presence of sensibility, I opted for some Anadin Extra instead (other headache remedies are available).

My point is, when I had long hair, I would have put it into a ponytail and only washed the fringe (yes, you can do that), or washed all of it and let it dry into its naturally curly state. But as my ponytail is now more hamster tail and I hadn’t road-tested the curly bob look, neither of these were options – especially as I had to make a good first impression at work that morning. So I had to go for the whole shebang. And as the pills hadn’t shifted the headache at all, it was agonising having to nurture and tame my hair into a sleek, neat bob. Note to self – must do curly bob trial run before the next bad head day.

Putting the hair to one side for now (not sure that would look very good either actually), I’ve ventured into the Body Shapes section of my Study in Style Personal Stylist course. It’s funny, but I enjoyed the colours section of the course so much that I didn’t want to move on. I liken it to finishing a really good book and needing some time to mourn the characters and storyline before starting a new novel.

 

I needn’t have worried. The Body Shape sections are crammed full of new and exciting characters with tales of the pear shape, apple shape, inverted triangle, hourglass, short waist, long waist, high rise, low rise…truly a twisting and turning plot that’s hard to put down.

So, today I give a simple lesson on shape and call upon the ubiquitous bodycon dress to help me illustrate it.

It’s worn by the young things, the older things and the somewhere in-between things. The length of the dress worn by the younger things is usually a good 8 inches shorter and teamed with heels of equal measure that make them walk like new-born deer.

I currently have a tube type bodycon dress hanging in my wardrobe. In the shop changing room I remember twisting, turning and gurning into the tube of fabric and looking in the mirror afterwards. Trying hard to see beyond the static shock of hair that I had just created trying to get the sodding dress on, I was, I have to say, quite disappointed with my reflection. But why? My maths isn’t great but I was pretty sure that one size 8 body + one bodycon dress = positive result.

Not impressed....

 

So, in the ‘privacy’ of my own (partially) curtained cubicle (those damn, curtains never go to the edges do they?) I was on a mission to make this bodycon dress work for my not so perfect, but not so shabby either, body. What must have appeared to the (passive) voyeur outside my cubicle as several rounds of the Macarena, I eventually stumbled, luckily not literally, upon the correct formula. It’s this: feet together, right foot on tiptoe, right knee coyly tilted across the left knee, right hip out to form a curve at the waist, shoulders back, AA cup bra (boobs not included) skywards, hands on hips, one sultry pout for good measure and BOOM! I had proved the sum right and the mirror wrong. I looked siren-tastic!

Yes, it may look effortless, but it's quite an uncomfortable pose actually

 

Now, this approach is fine if your only purpose is to stand on the red carpet and pose for the camera (mmm, think my invite got lost in the post). But if you’re at work or out on a date, trying to sustain this position for silhouettes’ sake on the way to the filing cabinet or loo is pretty much impossible and is likely to see you sent home from both these scenarios looking and feeling more silly than siren. 

So what’s the correct sum? My shape + one bodycon dress = the Family Fortunes ‘eh- uh’ noise. Basically, I’m not blessed with a waist and a good (any) bosom. I need to go with dresses that have clever patterning or gathering that fool the eye into thinking that I have curves where I don’t – a simple tube of fabric is never going to work. Also, something I can see quite clearly now, is that the bodycon dress is way too long for me. What was I thinking? A length somewhere between ‘Bambi’ and ‘old deer’ is far more flattering.

The following three pictures are of my favourite dress. Though I appreciate that it’s not going to miraculously give me Scarlett Johansson curves, it does make me feel so much more confident. I like the draping at the top as it makes my bust look fuller and the similar ruching further down adds more of a curve to my hips. Another bonus, because of the gathering around the tummy, it doesn’t matter if I’m having a sticky-out belly day!

 

 

 

I will now conclude today’s lesson with one important rule when trying on any garment:

·         Just stand normally and avoid any silly poses

…well at least until that ‘red carpet invite’ actually does pop through your door. And when that happens, I think you’ll find that it was intended for me - so hand it over my pretty!

 Class dismissed.

Next time I'll be talking about jeans and will be, plans permitting, unveiling my new Styled by Mel logo - I'm excited! And because quite a few of you have hinted that you want to receive posts more frequently than once a month (thank you, that's very encouraging), I'm aiming to grace your inbox or timeline with my presence every two weeks. Careful what you wish for!