Holiday...

So I’m back from my 5 day trip to the sunny island of Majorca. Well, it was sunny for 3 out of 5 days anyway. Thank goodness the rain decided to take a run and jump because if there’s one thing I rather dislike it's rain. Even more so when I’ve spent a small fortune on getting me some sun! Oh, and let’s not forget another reason for totally hating the rain whilst on this holiday - umbrella, rain coat and jeans in Teeny Weeny suitcase doth not fit!

As promised in ‘I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane’, here are some pictures that Mr. B took. Now, interestingly, even though I bang on about loving the sun, I don’t actually tan very well. So, the tan you see at the start is fake and the tan you don’t see on day 5 is just my natural blue skin tone shining through. 

It’s raining, it’s pouring …and I’m sulking on the bed.

Still sulking but at least I'm up!

Cheer up love!

This striped dress from H&M has to be one of my faves (rain or shine) and I chose this one for the rainiest day because it looks ok with a denim jacket and Converse. Also, because it’s a snug fit, it keeps me warm too.

Palm tree dress from Primark

I love this dress and the palm trees, to me, scream HOLIDAY! Tricky to explain, but if my memory serves me well, it also screams a little of a button through house-coat that my Auntie Olive used to wear. Never mind! 

These black shorts are from H&M. The striped top is very old (can’t remember where from as I cut the labels out) but I love the relaxed fit and shape of it, so it got worn a lot.

Same shorts as before, but this time with a V neck t-shirt from Topshop. I bought it in grey (shown), black and the white. I will be wearing these well into winter with cardigans over the top.

Follow me..

...up these pretty steps

..nearly there

...here we are and I've made a friend

This skort is from Primark. As the name suggests it's a cross between a skirt and a pair of shorts. It could, in theory, and much to mine and Mr.B's amusement, have been called a shirt - but this of course has already been done! The top is from Benetton about a trillion years ago.

Lovely neckline and the view ain't too shabby either!

I adore the neckline of this dress from H&M. When I bought the dress, I hadn't thought of wearing it with a belt but I saw someone wearing it with one before I went away and so I copied her!

Romeo?

Ah, there you are!

And for the last holiday outfit...

Love this green door! 

This striped dress is from H&M (I really need to speak to H&M and tell them how much I love them don’t I?) and it’s so easy to wear. It doesn’t come with a belt, but I would say it looks so much better and more finished with one, as it hides the elasticated waistline.

As well as posing for the camera (which ironically, is not my favourite thing!) - I also did a lot of people watching, punctuated by a lot of coffee drinking (a perfect combination). One common theme I spotted, were young girls wearing teeny weeny bum-cheek revealing shorts. Now, if I was a mum of a young girl, in fact, hang on - I’m as near as dammit a step-mum to two young girls, so I can speak from the heart here and say - I would NOT let them parade around with their backsides hanging out of their shorts! End of.

But wait, it gets worse. Teeny weeny shorts were also being worn by women old enough (and then some) to know better. They may have been trying to add a little cheeky sparkle to their marriages and I’m all for that, but guess what? I don’t need to see it! Get a room and stop putting me off my dinner. Lastly, and very entertainingly, I also don’t think they realised, as they nonchalantly sauntered off to the next bar, just how cruel the imprint of plastic, woven wicker effect chairs can be on ones bare backside. See ya later alligator!

M x

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane...

…don’t know when I’ll be back again. 

No, don’t worry, this isn’t a ‘Dear John’ letter that I’ve copied you all in on (though that would make a damn good blog wouldn’t it?). I know exactly when I’m coming back and I’m taking ‘John’ with me, so all good.

We’re off to Majorca for 5 nights/days. It’s a ‘sans rugrats’ trip and so we’re looking forward to a much needed adults only holiday.  Not saying that our caravan family trip last week was anything short of the sugar coated, Kath Kidston-esque, all-smiles holiday that we had wished for of course. Ahem.

So, with it only being a short break, we made the decision to take carry-on luggage only. This way, we won’t be wasting our precious time at the baggage carousel.  Instead, we’ll be winding our way up the mountain-side to our beautiful hotel. Though if ‘John’ gets his own way, we're off to find the nearest Lidl – don’t ask!

For those that read my Pack Up Your Troubles post a couple of weeks ago, you will know that in the past I have struggled to travel light and have tended to over-pack, over-sized suitcases. Therefore, ‘carry-on’ luggage is a whole new concept to me and dare I say it, a challenge. A challenge that I thought you’d all like to be part of.

So, please recline your seats, unfasten your seatbelts and enjoy the in-flight entertainment. 

‘Dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada doo de doo doo de doo doo de doo doo de doo doo do’.

Taking the lead role is my new suitcase. 

It measures in at a small, but perfectly formed, 48x32x19 - I think I’ve seen larger handbags hooked over the arms of wags to be honest. And interestingly, at 48cm high, it’s the same height as the numerals on Big Ben’s clock face. My usual suitcase is 66cm high which is the height of a Victorian coal mine tunnel. Oh, and as you asked, I am the required height of a NASA astronaut - could be useful. Hours of fun with our silly height chart - love it!

Anyway, sorry, where was I? Here in pictures and words, is what I want to take on my trip:-

Shorts, T-shirts, old Converse...

Pretty dresses for daytime and evening...

Formal Joggers, Skort, Sandals...

Bikini's, Beach Cover-up, Book, Toiletries...

• x 1 pair of shorts
• x 4 t-shirts
• x 2 day dresses
• x 2 bikini’s
• x 1 beach cover up
• x 2 evening dresses (smarter than my throw-on day dresses, not ball gowns!)
• x 1 skort
• x 2 pairs of sandals
• x 1 pair of old converse (for walking up steep hills and mountains!)
• x 2 belts
• x 2 pashminas
• x 1 trusty denim jacket that won't need packing as I'll wear it to the airport (it's chilly at 3am!)
• x 1 small brown day bag
• x 1 small evening clutch
• x 1 very foldable, very old freebie Topshop cloth bag that will act as a beach bag
• Undies
• Toiletries
• Straighteners (pray for me that there’s a hairdryer in the room)
• And I haven’t forgotten a beach towel by the way - it would take up way too much room, so I’ll hire or borrow from the hotel.

But will it all fit in The Teeny Weeny Suitcase?  There’s only one way to find out! Why not take this opportunity to ask one of the cabin crew to fix you a cheeky Cinzano and I’ll be with you shortly.

I loved this advert as a kid! 

‘Dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada doo de doo doo de doo doo de doo doo de doo doo do’.

Sorry, not quite ready...

‘Dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada dun dun dada doo de doo doo de doo doo de doo doo de doo doo do’.

Nearly there.....

Full!

Voila! (I don’t know what the Spanish equivalent is).

It’s a tight squeeze but the zip does up, I didn’t have to take anything out and so it’s definitely MISSION IMPOSSIBLE! 

So, dressed in my super comfy, super silky, ‘formal joggers’ from Topshop (that I would definitely have worn with heels of an evening out had they fitted in my case!), I bid you farewell. I will take full advantage of the beautiful scenery whilst away and ask Mr. B (aka ‘John’) to take some photos of me wearing the outfits so I can show you when I get back.

Me and my case ready for the off!

Swing your pants!

Yes love, very nice trousers, but stop posing and go find that passport!

Oh, and something strange happens when I put these baggy beauties on, I go all MC Hammer and have to burst into 'running man'. Quite clearly I'm going a little crazy - this holiday is much needed!

See you soon lovely people.

M x

P.S. Well done to my little man for taking the formal jogger pictures and video! 

(The video didn't play on my iPhone for some odd reason, but worked fine on my laptop. Hope your device is kind to you and let's you watch it!).

Fat Bottomed Girls...

… you make the rockin’ world go round!

Back in June, a friend of mine suggested that I write a blog on how to dress if you are a fat bottomed girl. She has a fat bottom (she said it, not me!), a wedding to go to in September and is having an outfit crisis. So, thinking she can’t be the only lady out there having a booty induced hissy fit, here are some tips on how to dress that derriere.

The body-shapes that are most likely to have an ample bottom are the Pear, the Hourglass and the Round. 

So, what shape are you?  

The basic Pear shape

A basic Pear shape has these characteristics:

• Small on top with narrow shoulders
• More than likely a small bust
• Slim waist
• Larger hips, thighs and bottom
• Think J-Lo 

Does this sound like you? If so, here are some do’s and don’ts:

Show off your waist

And by that I don’t mean in a cropped-top flesh bearing way (unless you’re under 25 and have a midriff as buff as a buff-like thing), I mean in a silhouette kind of way. Choose styles that emphasise your waist and put stylish, narrow belts to good use. It’s the slimmest part of your body and so if you hide it under baggy tops, you will actually make yourself look larger.

Pattern/Colour

Restrict bold patterns and lighter colours to the top half only. Wearing them on your bottom half will make it appear bigger.

Tops

The best thing we can do for the Pear shape is to balance out the top and bottom half. So, wear capped, fuller sleeves or shoulder pads (get that image of Sue Ellen out of your head right now!) as these ‘tricks’ will add width to your top half giving you a more balanced shape. The added bonus of shoulder pads for a Pear is that if you have small, sloping shoulders, your handbag is more likely to stay on your shoulder! Tops can be tucked in or you can choose semi fitted tops that finish at the right length if you don’t do the tucking in thang!

  

Trousers

Avoid side pockets that will gape creating the ‘frog mouth’ effect as this will add bulk where you don’t need it. Same applies to back pockets with flaps – so avoid them too.

Wider legged trousers that fall from the hip are very flattering for a Pear shape and can look extremely elegant – just make sure they are as flat-fronted as possible.  Wear them with heels and make like Katherine Hepburn!

Skirts

Go for A line, full or panelled skirts and as per the trouser rule, avoid side and back pockets.

Dresses

Dresses can be tricky depending on the size difference between your top half and bottom half but there are some great styles out there that incorporate a patterned top and/or capped sleeve that are perfect for the Pear shape. Another great dress for you Pears is the 1950’s style - a wedding disco and this dress go together like Rama-lama-lama-ka-dinga-da-dinga-dong!

Or maybe you’re an Hourglass?

The basic Hourglass shape

• Shoulders and hips are balanced
• Defined waist
• Curvy bottom
• And more than likely a fuller bust
• Think Marilyn Monroe 

Here are some do’s and don’ts for dressing an Hourglass figure:

Show off your waist

As is the same for the Pear shape, show off that waist at all times - if I had one, I most certainly would.

Pattern/Colour

You can wear pattern but go easy with it – let your body shape speak for itself and avoid anything too loud. Avoid vertical lines and geometric patterns over your curves – it will get very confusing and you’ll end up looking like one of those magic eye pictures.

Tops

As you have a balanced figure, no need to ‘big up’ your shoulders as the Pears need to do but do choose your necklines carefully so that you flatter your fuller bust. Remember to show some skin and opt for a v, scoop, square neck or wrap top - wearing a high neck top will make your boobs, and you in general, look bigger. Like the Pear you can tuck tops in if you want to.

Trousers

The book I’m reading at the moment is called ‘How to Be Chic & Elegant’ which is written by a stylish French woman (aren’t they all stylish?) called Marie-Anne Lecoeur, who says that those with an Hourglass figure should ditch the trousers altogether and stick with skirts and dresses! I’ll leave that decision to you but if you do enjoy wearing trousers opt for side zipped or flat fronted ones and again, avoid the frog mouthed effect, and pockets on the bum as mentioned earlier.

Skirts

Go for A line, panelled or pencil skirts. The Hourglass will find it hard to find skirts (and trousers) that fit well because they will more than likely fit on the bum but be too big on the waist or fit on the waist and be too small on the bum. It’s not easy having a sexy shape is it?! So, look for styles without a waistband and/or that sit lower down on your hips. And avoid side pockets and bum pockets (I’ve said that so many times now – use it as your mantra!).

Dresses

Just make sure you choose a style that has shape at the waist and a lower neckline as per the guideline for tops. Pop on some elegant heels and give it some Jessica Rabbit swagger - you sexy thing you!

Oh, and one thing I must mention as it will save you a lot of faff and heartache - dieting will NOT change a Pear or Hourglass shape into anything other than a smaller Pear or Hourglass shape. If you’re a size 16 Pear who goes on a diet, the end result will be just a smaller size Pear. So, embrace the shape you are and wear clothes that flatter it – don’t fight it!

And finally the Round

The basic Round shape

• Plump and rounded all over
• No definite waist
• Perhaps sloping shoulders
• Wide bottom
• Think Dawn French

There are some very simple rules to follow for this shape and so I won’t break it down into garments as such.

Pattern/Ccolour

• Dark colours, as we all know they are more slimming – so always a good choice.
• Use the ‘column of colour’ trick. This is where you have the same colour running up through the middle of your outfit with a cardigan, or jacket of a different colour, over the top. The eye will notice the narrow 'column of colour' which will make you appear slimmer and draw the eye up towards the face. Perfect!
• Avoid really tiny patterns as they will, in contrast, make you look larger. 

Styles/details

• Clothes need to skim not cling - but make sure you don’t go too voluminous.
• Empire line tops (and dresses) are very flattering 
• A good fitting shift dress is also great on a Round.
• Ensure there’s some cleavage exposed – a sure-fire way to draw the attention away from a tummy!
• If you want to wear trousers, make sure they are flat fronted (no pleats) and that they fall straight from the thighs.
• Opt for A line or panelled skirts.

 Accessories

• Wear stunning necklaces and scarves to draw the eye towards the face.
• Make sure your accessories aren't too small, as again, they will make you appear larger.

So, there we go! Not an exhaustive list of do’s and don’t’s because I have focussed on rules that lend themselves to choosing a more formal outfit, but you should now be able to eliminate some choices and combinations that you may have chosen before - which I hope has helped.

I’ve created a Pinterest board that's well worth a look at as it will provide you with some inspiration or what those guys and gals over at Pinterest call, Pinspiration. 

Click HERE

Go forth my fat bottomed, curvalicious beauties and keep this rockin’ world going round!

M x

TMI moment….when I was about 11 or 12, before I hit puberty, I was a scrawny little thing whose new, tight fit, pinstriped jeans (they were very trendy I’ll have you know) didn’t fit on the bum as tightly as I wanted them to. So, I came up with what I thought was a cunning plan to pad-out my derriere. What did I do? I wore 3 pairs of knickers at once. Underneath the jeans darlings, underneath!