It's Only Rock 'n' Roll...

Are you sitting comfortably? Perhaps a cuppa or cheeky tipple in your hand? Maybe just a quick read sitting on the edge of the bath whilst the kids are brushing their teeth? Whichever moment you’ve grabbed - thank you and welcome back. So, just a little recap – last time it was my work week wardrobe, sans jeans, that needed some thought and planning. This time it’s my gig attire that needs a bit of a shake-up. So, different brief, same criteria - I want to look good, appropriate and as always, steer clear of mutton and frump options.

I’ve been thinking back to what I used to wear for my gigs - I’ve been gigging for over 18 years now – that’s right, I started gigging when I was just 7 (ahem). And the outfit or rather fabric of choice I distinctly remember back then was PVC. Now, there is, out there, photographic evidence of these gigs. Unfortunately, I think it’s well hidden in my best friend’s loft. I know, how disappointing. You would’ve all loved a giggle at my expense wouldn’t you? Sorry about that.

But wait, all is not lost. I may not have the photos to hand but I do have the gear itself! It’s not been worn for a VERY long time I hasten to add – the last time being dressed as Trinity from The Matrix about 12 years or so ago. So I guess you’re wondering why a Style Advisor would hang onto things she’s not wearing? How very ‘pot calling kettle black’ of me you say. Well, the reason is that they’re a little piece of my past and I thought that one day, when I am older, I would dig them out and have a good old laugh.

Well it seems that that day has arrived and how wonderful that I have all of you here to share that moment with me – who’d have thunk it? How privileged do you feel? Yes, hard to put into words isn’t it.

So here they are – in all their gorgeously tacky (to the touch and sight) glory! That’s two pairs of trousers - one bootleg pair and one straight leg pair and a top. They are making me smile and I remember thinking I was the bees’ knees prancing up and down the stage of the Queens Head in Fulham and The Horn of Plenty in St. Albans! I’m disappointed that I can’t find the electric blue bootleg pair actually - not sure where they’ve got to.

Sorry, what was that? Put them on? What? Are you all insane? Oh ok then…as it’s you!

This is an advance warning. Some viewers may find the following photos of ‘cling-film wrapped mutton’ distressing.

I retract that last statement labelling myself as mutton because in actual fact I think I’ve aged far better than the PVC has. At least my top layer isn’t visibly flaking all over the flippin’ floor! And that isn’t my bum that’s baggy either thank you very much! I’m sure (and hope) they fitted better back in the day.

Does my bum look big in this?

Err yes, it really does. Look how high waisted these babies are. I remember my best friend and I having a right old giggle in Miss Selfridge changing room (communal in those days – not good) at how high the waist was then. So in comparison to today’s super low waist trends these are super, super, super high. They cover at least two of my ribs. A couple of inches higher and I could wear them as a jumpsuit.

Bootleg vinyl

The bootleg pair (an usual leg shape for plastic I think), fit slightly better (maybe not) around the bum but feel so much more Eddie Izzard than the other pair.

By the looks on your faces, I can tell you are none too impressed. And judging from the tirade of “Why are you wearing that mummy?” and “You look horrible mummy, take it off” and “It does nothing for you” from Little T and Mr. B respectively, I don’t think my family are embracing my Miss Whiplash look either.

But back when Blur and Oasis were battling it out in the charts and the Prodigy were starting fires – I was pretty sure I was the only female singer (definitely in St Albans anyway) wearing PVC. And actually, I don’t think even the tough girls of Skunk Anansie and Garbage had ventured down the plastic trouser route then either - so you could say the PVC was my USP.

WHAT ABOUT NOW…

So nearly two decades later, what am I wearing to my gigs now? The answer is mainly shorts/hot-pants (call them what you will) with opaque tights and shoe/boots. But recently I’ve been thinking, is the hot-pant (albeit a tailored non cheek revealing version) ok for a 41 year old who is not Kylie?

I’m glad to say that I didn’t ponder too long over my ‘shall I shan’t I hot-pant wobble (pant wobble – ew!). I decided that this is a totally acceptable outfit to wear. Had I teamed the shorts with bare legs, sky-rise stilettoes and a plunging neckline – probably not. But with opaque tights, the conclusion is that the shorts still fit the brief perfectly and so I will wear them confidently.

However, I’ve been wearing variations of the short/hot-pant thing for some time and it would be good to try some different outfits. And being in a band, to a degree, gives me a license to try things that I wouldn’t necessarily try if I was just popping out to The Dog and Duck for a shandy.

INSPIRATION...

So, I thought of some singers that inspired me – both visually and artistically - and merrily grabbed some ‘reusable’ pictures from Google and included them here. But apparently that’s a bit dodgy so I’ve created a board on Pinterest that you can view here. Not sure why this is less dodge – but I’m sure the picture police will explain why when they wake me up tomorrow morning on their dawn raid!

Some of the first pictures are of Kate Moss - not a singer I know - but she does the Rock ‘n’ Roll look brilliantly.

After looking at Gwen Stefanie, Lily Allen, Blondie and Imelda May - I think one simple way of spicing up the shorts is a striped top and some stunning make-up. I can do the t-shirt easily but I’m going to need a little help with the make-up. I don’t know about you – but so often I apply make-up, think I’ve done a great job but when I look in the mirror on my first trip to the loo of an evening out, it’s somehow vanished and I look very similar to my no make-up selfie! #disappointing.

Now, old school rocker Chrissie Hynde is sporting a well-fitting pair of leather trousers that look fantastic. I’ve been on the lookout for some and I got very excited when I found a Whistles pair online the other day – but as law of sod would have it, they are now discontinued! Grr – shame, they were a great shape and under £500!

STOP PRESS…or rather if you can imagine the sound of a stylus being dragged across a record and the room going silent – do that.

(And sorry if you’re still perched on the edge of the bath, this post seems to have turned into a 12” long play).

I’ve just opened The Sunday Times Style magazine (Mother’s Day edition) and discovered this picture of a lady wearing PVC. A very spooky coincidence.

 

This is the actress Charlotte Gainsborough. The PVC trousers, if you ask me, fit just as badly as mine and as well as a bin liner. But the difference being is that she appears at number 13 in the Best Dressed 2014 chart. I know! I had to double check that I hadn’t accidently turned over too many pages and skipped to an article titled Worst Dressed 2014. Nope, I hadn’t. So what the hell is going on here?

The blurb alongside this picture says ‘Here she is doing what she does best – working a boyish, nonchalant, covertly sexual, French-meets English look, with a sly twist of something subversive. The PVC trousers are fashion rather than fetish (but they’re still PVC) and the rest is a retro boy look’. She could have worn a tux, but instead she opted for Alen Bennet-meets-punk and managed to look quite sexy in a Galod shrug, “whatever floats your boat” kind of way. What this outfit says is “You don’t know me, I do. Enjoy the movie”

I’m personally thinking that the words were meant for a different picture and there was some sort of mix up in the editorial/picture department. So, having the vital ingredient in my possession, I thought it would be fun to try and re-create this look. So, I’ve teamed my ‘sly twist of (baggy super high rise) subversive’ with a white shirt, tank top (actually a vest top but it does the same thing) and a pair of brown boots. This is the result.

So what do you think? I didn’t think for one minute that it would actually look half decent. But, surprisingly, I think it does. I’m not saying that I think Charlotte now deserves to be in the best dressed list – not at all, I still think she looks a state – but she’s onto something. I think we both just need to replace the old PVC with an up to date, lower waisted, slimmer leg version and we’d be good to go (though I would also consider replacing her shiny brown patent boots if I’m honest). So, have I just gone full PVC circle before your very eyes? Yes, quite possibly.

I’m thinking the PVC trouser might just have the Rock ‘n’ Roll edge, the sparkle and the stage presence I’ve been looking for. Let’s hope they’re easier to find than their leather counterparts - though I reckon Little T and Mr. B will be hoping not!

However, to quote a line from the film Erin Brokovich, “As long as I have one ass instead of two I'll wear what I like if that's alright with you?”

And actually ladies, if you think you have two asses instead of one – flaunt it! There’s nothing like a sexy curve. Is there Kanye?

M x

Next time….I’ll be revisiting the amazing world of colour analysis and how it’s changing lives around me. I might also give you a sneaky peak at some of my new (not much grey or black!) purchases since my 'She's got legs...' post. Oh and before you go, if you’re also fans of Kate Moss’s style, she will be launching her new collection in Topshop at the end of April. Her first collection was amazing – so I’m very excited about this one.